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Back in Germany

back in Germany

one weekend in the Free and Hanseatic City of Hamburg


Day one: It´s about four pm and it´s almost dark outside, rainy and foggy. Mizzling rain is everywhere. It is windy and basically stay-at-home weather, which means: a normal December day in Hamburg.

We decided to follow all the tourists to visit the Elbphilharmonie, the latest monument to complete Hamburg´s skyline. Many people walk towards a big vitreous building. Escalators carry all the excited people inside.

We stand in front of a big glass window, several small light bulbs from above enlighten the room inside. The modern architecture of this ginormous concert hall is extraordinary. Warm, beige, yellowish light is everywhere, contrary to the blueish glass and the grey weather today, glass is everywhere, from the ground to the ceiling.

The view could be more stunning in the sunshine, yet I am impressed. I look outside the window and I try to see some people on the other side of the harbour. In the distance some ships are sailing, pushed by the inexhaustible wind. The wind is everywhere, cold and relentless, blowing away everything- autumn leaves, yesterday´s papers and dark thoughts.

Day two: We´re walking along the harbour. It is drizzling rain, miserably chilly and damp, yet I`m not freezing. It´s dark and I can barely see a thing. Some strangers are passing by. A dog´s gaze, the perpetual ripple of the wintry rain. We keep on walking. Street lamps poorly light up the way, as it´s very foggy.

I cannot deny that the weather is dreary but I feel okay. Underneath my cloak, scarf and hat I feel very warm and I am slightly excited. I can´t tell why but Hamburg always feels like home to me. I`ve been here about five times in my whole life. To me, home is not necessarily a destination, it´s not a place. To me home is a feeling.

I feel safe here. At the same time, I long to see distant places. Wanderlust – a strong desire to travel the world. I see all the ships in the harbour and I wonder where they came from and where they`re going to go to. I can imagine going on a boat trip around the world in 80 days or more- adventures, that´s what I came for. I have to admit that I`ve already travelled around the world in about 150 days in 2015 together with my cousin but that is another story. I will probably never stop exploring. I would like to quote Susan Sontag now who said: I haven´t been everywhere but it´s on my list.”



The Guernsey lifestyle

(Disclaimer: the following article is indeed non-fictional but does not intend to judge anyone or tarnish anyone´s reputation, as there are no names of persons, specific locations such as bars, restaurants or clubs mentioned. It is a slightly critical essay about a small town on the Channel Islands in Guernsey, the capital city, to be more precise.)

St. Peter Port was like the roaring twenties, like a ball, a play from Fitzgerald or Thackeray, like the people would finally be allowed to enjoy the access to alcohol in an era of prohibition. The Jazz age. The age of nonsense and crazy parties.

Back in the day, that time was marked by dramatic political and social change. For the first time, more Americans lived in the cities than on the countryside. The country´s total wealth more than doubled in that era. A rapid change in culture, society and art. The roaring twenties: Liberal, young, wild. The Lost Generation, Hemingway; they fled to Europe, often Paris. The war was finally over.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about the twenties: ”The restlessness approached hysteria. The parties were bigger. The pace was faster, the shows were broader, the buildings were higher, the morals were looser, and the liquor was cheaper”. It´s a good quote to picture the Guernsey lifestyle. The lifestyle, everyone wants to be a part of somehow. It´s fun, it´s easy going, it´s a big party like Ibiza or spring break.

Some people are quite rich. It´s not just that the foreigners are using foreign companies through outsourcing and offshore investment. Even the Queen seems to invest offshore.

Children acting like grown-ups, adults acting like teenagers. Teenagers doing whatever they want, as long as they don´t die of boredom in their restricted environment.

A judgemental attitude is key to the social behaviour. Everyone has formed their opinion about you before you could even start to talk, before you entered the room… and everyone is talking. Talking about where you came from, what you´re doing on their small, precious island, about who you´re with and who you´re talking to. Don´t get me wrong, I found it quite amusing that a few people started talking behind my back. In a big city like Cologne, I used to fit in. Then I was standing out. I was important enough to be talked about by some people. That´s a thing.

If you want to be a part of this world, there is no ticket to buy you into it. It´s a birth right. A birth right that I didn´t have.

I am more than able to stand up for my own agenda, but for now all I can say is that I aspire to be as neutral as Switzerland.

However, I would always try not to judge anyone. I would respect other countries, cultures, families and social structures. I´m just trying to tell a little story about a girl who entered this new world and who tried to be a part of it for some time. I try to picture a fun, wild and breathtakingly beautiful world with a few crazy and a lot of nice people in it. The Channel Islands, definitely worth a visit, but worth living there for ever?

But still, how can we define home if we haven´t travelled the world?

Conclusive, I would like to add one of my favourite quotes by Mark Twain: “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one´s lifetime.”

Venturing off to new shores

The following article is about my journey from Germany (Duesseldorf) to Guernsey (U.K., channel islands) where I’m currently working as an au pair. Afterwards, I’d like to make an internship in journalism, Media, PR or fashion photography/ videography and adverdisement, as I aspire to work in Media later. Feel free to email me for partnerships, cooperations etc.



„I’m not sure what I’ll do, but – well, I want to go places and see people. I want my mind to grow. I want to live where things happen on a big scale.“

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Ice Palace and Other Stories


It’s pitch-black, rainy and chilly outside as I leave my friend’s apartment in Duesseldorf, Germany on the 15th of September at 4:30 am, three bags in my hands and thousands of thoughts in my head: worries, dreams and hopes.

My suitcases and bags are heavy and I’m not quite sure if I’m on the right way to the train that’s supposed to take me to the airport. I am freezing and I’m slightly confused.. in a good way. I smile. I feel safe. I can do this; I’ve done this so many times before: new countries, new people, new beginnings. Yet, this time it’s different. I can feel this tingly feeling in my stomach. This is going to be extraordinary.

15 minutes until departure. „Shit, we’re gonna miss this flight“ says some random guy next to me. He’s got a weird accent, probably not as bad as mine though. I try really hard to keep my cool, but this situation is starting to stress me out. I try to convince all the waiting people „Excuse me, my boarding time is now , could I skip the line please?“ Most of them look unaffectedly in my face. Some of them tell me that their boarding time was 10 minutes ago. Three girls say some rude things.

Two minutes later: At this point, I really don’t care about the other miserable people anymore. I just run. Try to stop me, I dare you. One older couple seems to recognize the scared expression on my face. The man just smiles and says: „Go young lady. You don’t want to miss your plane.“ Honestly, this is the support I need in my life! I don’t really remember what I said then. I was just incredibly thankful. Good People do exist.

About 260 mins later (my second flight was delayed): Window seat, I take a look outside to enjoy a stunning view. I see clear deep blue water, waves, sunny, green landscapes, trees, birds flying high (you know how I feel), lovely old town houses, amazing cliff walks, lighthouses and bright skies. I think I can see some dolphins swimming in the sea somewhere or maybe it’s just my tiredness kicking in, inspiring my imagination. I feel calm and excited at the same time.

This is it. This is what I’ve been waiting for. This is life and I cannot believe that this is happening to me right now. I am happy. I am home again.